Opus - December, 2007
You know, I never get tired of you people. You're worth getting up early in the evening for. Not only do you throw out the very best bits of the food you eat (like the gizzards and bones and those oh, so lovely rotted bits of bread – yum!), but I reckon I can't find an easier source of amusement without getting into the fermented berries I've tucked away in my basement bed for the colder winter months ahead. But, I am growin' weary of the nagging sense you people haven't learned a whole lot over your supposed "higher evolution." I mean, what have you done over all that time? I look through those hard, clear spaces you have on the outside of your wooden nests, to see you staring for long periods of both daylight and darkness at some sort of box with colorful, flat people and animals moving around on it. I can only think it must be some way you relax to prepare for a long hibernation. Only problem is you seem to use the box all times of daylight and darkness and even then you sleep during the best part of the darkness.
Anyway, my confusion aside, evidently that box has sucked out some of that evolution, (maybe you are fearin' getting too smart and have to balance your brain or somethin') as I am always getting' some questions from ya'll that make me pause. Here's my favorite: "Does your brain ever hurt from hanging upside down when you sleep?"
Oh boy. If you find an opossum starin' at you for a long bit once you ask them this question it isn't because we're thinkin'. It's because we're waitin' for you to giggle and let us in on the joke. After a while we figure out you're serious and get on to once again settin' your species back on the enlightened path – seriously no other species ever asked us such an ignorant question.
Bats sleep upside down. Opossums do not. No, we don't come back from a wonderful night of scroungin' and cleanin' up your picnic messes to lumber out onto a nice, strong branch and say "hey, this one ought to hold me" and lower ourselves down by our tails to digest upside down. Seriously, have you EVER been walkin' along during your bright, daylight hours, perhaps natterin' with a friend and look around the trees at whole bunches of marsupials hangin' off the trees sound asleep and say: "Hey, looks like we're going to have a bumper crop this year!"?
We do sometimes sleep in a tree, in a nest of leaves or in a hollow, but most often we're in hollow logs or in the small, cave-like areas between tree roots nestled in to a lovely, soft, fragrant bed of leaves, twigs and mulchy bits. Personally I sleep in the basement of the "Crazy People's" house amongst some "seasonal" boxes, whatever that means. I don't know who started the hangin' upside down rumor, probably one of us as a joke to see if you would actually believe it, but come on vertical-walkers, don't believe all those drawn animal books and cartoon movin' pictures on your beloved light box! Open your eyes, your ears, and that "over-evolved" brain and think for yourselves!
OK, 'nuf said. I'm sure you try in your own way. You'll get there eventually. Good thing we animals are there to help you out along the way. Naked and cold, you'd never make it on your own….