Daisy - August, 2007

Dear Daisy,

My cat Hiccup marches around the house all day meowing. Hiccup is beautiful and I love him, but I don't know how to stop him. If I'm cooking in the kitchen, he walks around my legs, meowing. If I'm watching TV he struts back and forth in front of the coffee table meowing. If I'm trying to sleep at night he'll sit right in the center of the bedroom, stare at me, and meow until I have to cover my head with the pillow. What does Hiccup want from me and how can I stop him from meowing?

- Make Hiccup Stop, New Lebanon, NY

Daisy responds: 

Dear MHS,

Before I answer your letter, I have to take a minute to pull my claws back into their sheaths, get the hair down from my back and stop hissing.  There.  OK, now let me have a few words with you.  Or should I say, a few MEOWS, because clearly you aren't getting enough of them.

What bothers me most about your letter is this phrase: "Hiccup is beautiful and I love him, but..."  There should never, ever, EVER be a "but" after you tell someone how beautiful your cat is and that you love him.  Cats are inherently beautiful creatures that have been worshipped for thousands of years, as they should be.  If a cat allows you to host him on your home, never mind love him, you should consider yourself lucky and count your blessings.  So please, let's forget any "buts" and start from the beginning.

My question wouldn't be how to stop poor Hiccup, it would be what services are you NOT providing?  For Hiccup to be meowing so constantly, it's clear that you are falling short in your role of cat servant.  You mention that Hiccup meows when you are in the kitchen.  Well -- are you giving him at least half of everything you cook or serve?  If the answer is "no," I don't think we have to look far for the answer to this mystery.  You also say Hiccup is meowing when you watch TV.  I can't think of anything more annoying, myself, than a human who focuses all of his or her attention on a square box of flickering lights when I am in the room clearly waiting to be groomed and petted.

Finally, you say that Hiccup meows when you're trying to go to sleep.  Let me ask you this: do you sleep at night?  If so, once again we don't have to look far for the solution to your problem.  Cats love to be awake and to play at night.  Simply reverse your schedule and sleep during the day, and pay a lot more attention to Hiccup at night.

My guess is that I've solved your problem.  Say MEOW to Hiccup for me.

- Daisy